I'm shocked and am laughing at the same time, you are incredible Kazimir!
That is a real surprise solution. At the very least this makes for a very intriguing topic. It fits within the contest rules, there's nothing that I can do to argue, so I begrudgingly accept this as the first winner. (Send me a private message if you're interested in two licenses for Espionage).
HOWEVER! That doesn't mean that I can't offer the same prize for a second solution!! :-D
I have a problem with the above solution: it is too slow. I stipulate that it's still possible to find a second solution within the confines of the contest rules that is at least 4 times faster (I've done a quick benchmark, on my computer it's actually over 5x after looping 10000 times) AND shorter than the solution that was just presented.
Get your groove on.